Look, men, I’m being reasonable

Recently several women have been making unreasonable and irrational statements regarding rapist footballer Ched Evans. Things such as  “I find the idea of this convicted rapist returning to professional football […] sickening” and “Ched Evans doesn’t know what rape is”. This has upset a lot of reasonable and rational men who wish for order to be restored. They are not angry at Ched Evans; why should anyone else be?

I wish to reassure these men that #notallwomen are as irrational as it currently appears. This is all just a minor blip. On a daily basis we’re eminently reasonable and compliant. Here are just a few examples of how:

  • We listen to men who claim it is “as it should be” that “that there are many more guilty people walking free than there are innocent people in prison” and we nod in agreement. Because that’s reasonable. To point out, conversely, “that there are many more female victims suffering indefinitely than there are men who ever see the consequences of their actions” is just churlish. There’s nothing we can do about that, is there? Innocent until proven guilty (if male; otherwise, not human until proven otherwise).
  • We talk about “nuance” and “grey areas” in an effort to look clever. Or is it to get you off our backs? We’re not sure. Anyhow, we do it all the same. There’s a lot of nuance, isn’t there? And grey areas *serious, non-hysterical face*.
  • We haven’t reported that thing we knew a colleague shouldn’t have said, or the grope that was assault, or that time we knew that “technically” it was rape. We hardly report anything. You’d be amazed at all the things that “technically” we could report but which we don’t, because we know there is no point.
  • We allow you to come inside us while you fail to muster up the slightest bit of outrage at restrictions on women’s reproductive choices. We even allow you a bit of moral handwringing over abortion. Bless you, men. It’s the least we can do.
  • We shrug when you ask how men can be so sexist one day then we see you seeking to silence “bad” feminists the next. Hey, at least you’re – sort of – trying!
  • We don’t ask you what you earn for doing the same job as us and we smile benevolently when you talk about babysitting your own children.
  • We don’t get cross every time “people” – writers, doctors, scientists, politicians, artists, gods – are assumed to be men. Hey, it’s just a pronoun, right?
  • We agree that it would be “a bit unfair” to point out that you – men – commit over 90% of violent crimes. After all, it’s not literally you. If we women want equality, we have to admit that we’re as lethal as you, even if, in actual fact, we are nothing of the kind.
  • We don’t ask for all the things we know we’d be hated for wanting then we listen to you tell us that we could have them “but women don’t ask”. Silly us!
  • We listen to you saying the “daring” things we’d be castigated for saying, watch the men who’d vilify us pat you on the back, then accept that you’re cutting edge for having had the nerve to speak up in the first place. Go you!
  • We are nice. Horribly, sickeningly nice. It might be because we’re scared of violence or don’t want to be called a bitch or whatever the latest “acceptable” slur for an outspoken woman might be. We can’t remember. We just know not to not be nice.
  • We know you don’t think we’re being nice. You think we’re being “normal” or “how women are” or even “frustrating and irrational” or “unreasonable”. We are sympathetic to the fact that you have no idea that it could be otherwise. That’s how fucking reasonable we are.

Men, we are so reasonable and rational you wouldn’t believe it. Every decision is carefully calculated: should I walk alone down that street, should speak up when it will only make things worse, should I dare to think that’s wrong when there’s nothing I can do about it? Of course it looks perverse, given the context in which such decisions are made.  But the truth is it’s not.

I hope this makes you feel better. One other thing, though: we won’t be this reasonable forever.

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