What about Daddy? Essential advice for new mothers

In response to some comments added to this post (see end) I’d like to add some clarification regarding the article under discussion. It was written by the Dating Divas in response to “a lot of emails from women who wanted ideas for after the baby came. They wanted to know how to make the father feel more included as well as creative sex ideas”. Evidently there is a demand for this and I am sorry for failing to acknowledge it (I nevertheless believe the response that was offered by the Divas still leaves much to be desired).

New mums! Have you noticed that, at the end of practically every guide to pregnancy and birth, you’ll find a section on “Daddy’s role” in all of this. This is because fatherhood is really important and needs, ooh, at least three pages of coverage to set against the four hundred that Mummy has had to wade through. Admittedly it’s still actually Mummy who’s meant to be reading the Daddy pages – after all, men are busy, aren’t they? So Mummy might as well read up on how to manage Daddy. She’s got sod all else to do.

I have always found these “Daddy’s role” sections profoundly irritating, for two main reasons:

  1. the author tends to assume that you are married to the father of your baby
  2. the author then assumes that your husband is in fact a self-centred knob

Time and again we are told that the arrival of a new baby can make Daddy feel “left out”. If you are anything like me, you will read this and think “sod off. I am too tired to deal with a grown adult feeling ‘left out’. We all feel ‘left out’. That’s because babies are really shit when it comes to empathy”. And then you will look at your partner and feel glad that he (or she) isn’t one of those self-centred knobs that the book describes. At least, that’s what you’ll think. But hey, you might be wrong. Daddy might just be hiding his true feelings from you.

This is the claim being made by the self-appointed Dating Divas in this extra-special piece on making Daddy feel valued following the birth of a new baby, at a time when you, sore of cunt and leaking of milk, may be getting a little “selfish”. After all, your partner may be facing the prospect of a whole six weeks without a shag, and there’s you, “exhausted all the time” and failing to be “interested in what’s going on with him” (what the fuck is wrong with you?). Obviously no one wants the people they love to feel “a bit neglected”, even if said people are doing so for completely idiotic reasons, hence the divas have put together a list of things that you – yes, you, new mummy – should be doing. These include the following (pay attention, you sleep-deprived slackers!):

Email pictures of the baby throughout the day to ‘Daddy’. Print off cute signs and lay them by the baby saying things like, “I love my Daddy!”, or “Thanks for working hard for me!”, or even “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

This is because you’ve completely forgotten what it’s like to have a real job and have no idea how hard it is. Plus you’ve also forgotten that back in the days when you did go out to earn money, you were constantly using your work email to send your partner bizarre, insincere emails about how much you totally adored him and couldn’t survive without “Hubby”.

When Daddy is making an effort to help with the baby especially in the middle of the night, NEVER OVERLOOK IT! Verbally say “thank you,” say it with your eyes and smile, hug him… you will never regret showing as much appreciation as you can. It will help him feel included and loved.

This is because if you’re a man, feeding, soothing, changing and clothing your own baby is not remotely rewarding in and of itself. Indeed, it’s not even your duty. It’s just a pain in the arse, really. You ought at least to get a hug out of it, although ideally you’d want a blow job, which brings us on to…

Use your mouth and be creative with it! He’ll definitely be happy and your lady region can stay on vacation!

That’s one of the best things about giving birth – it gives the ol’ lady region time off from all that laborious shagging. But it’s never a good idea to take such “holidays” for granted – you could think of blow jobs as a bit like taking your Blackberry with you, just to ensure you don’t lose touch.

Lay out your husband’s pj’s, pull the covers back on his side of the bed, and put his favorite book on his pillow so he can relax before going to bed.

To be honest, in our house Daddy relaxes before bed with some wine and the occasional fag. I have never tried this slightly weird, Stepford-wife-meets-Sleeping-With-The-Enemy approach. It would be difficult to start now, since Daddy wears boxers in bed and reads a Kindle. I’ll just have to offer more blow jobs instead.

Sing songs like, “I’m so glad when Daddy comes home” to your baby when Daddy can hear you.

Is this an actual song? I don’t know, and the divas don’t give any indication of what tune it should go to. I have, however, worked out that it scans quite well to Smells Like Teen Spirit, Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter and Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End). My preference is for the latter (I haven’t asked Daddy; for some reason, he pretends not to hear).

Once all of the kiddos are in bed, get dressed in something that is a little more risque and try dusting the T.V. while he’s trying to watch it…or mop the floor on your hands and knees while he’s eating a late night snack.

Alas, we both try to get any household tasks out of the way before Daddy settles down in from of Newsnight with a Muller Rice. I suppose an alternative way to mix sex and household servitude might be to stick a broom up your arse and sweep the floor as you go along.

This is just a small taster of what features on the list. It is a long list, but it is worth reading, if only because as a new mother, you need to be told exactly what to do all the fucking time. One more thing: don’t ever assume this applies to your baby’s father. As the piece says, “Allow your husband to help out in any way that he wants, even if it isn’t how you would do it”. After all, being a father is personal. On the other hand, being a grown woman, negotiating your own relationships with your baby and his or her father, is everybody else’s business, so you might as well “use your mouth” and suck it up.

67 thoughts on “What about Daddy? Essential advice for new mothers

  1. I strongly suspect that those ladies have a) never had a child, b) looked after a baby or small child, c) actually been in a relationship with a real human male. d) been watching some really shit porn.

  2. I often sing songs about how glad I am when daddy comes home because it means I can hand the baby to him. Is this what they mean? Yrs, Confused Woman with a Co-Parent who is also Human

  3. Yikes. Sounds like somebody needs to take a chill pill. I actually think that post of theirs is great! I’ve had several kids myself and although my first thoughts are consumed with taking care of the new baby, it’s a lot of changes for the whole family and I actually appreciate these ladies sharing ideas that new moms can use. Thanks for posting this. They just gained a new fan out of me.

  4. Thank you for bringing some light relief to that utter madness! It actually made me angry reading it but that’s probably because I wasn’t feeling “the cutest” in the first six weeks after my baby was born. I think your first commenter is right, these women must have a touch of the Gina Fords – giving advice on something they’ve never actually experienced. Those tips are offensive to both new mums and dads alike.

  5. Sorry to disappoint, but I like their post. We have five children and with the 6 week “stint” after giving birth during which we can’t resume our normal “bedroom activities” – I LOVE their suggestions! Most men have the “love language” of physical touch and I love that these wives give a bunch of ways to keep the intimacy alive while adjusting to a new baby. I also scrolled through their bios and I am pretty sure most of them have kids. I also love their other ideas as well, most of them are extremely easy on the budget. Heaven knows we need that with our five kids! I am with Jenny in being a new fan of theirs. Thanks for finding their site!

  6. I just read the tips to my husband and after he got up off the floor laughing (mostly at the floor mopping and late night snack), he asked me if I was reading Carry On Parenting:)

  7. I enjoy making love to my husband and that period of time after each of our children have been born has been hard on both of us. I found myself thinking, “I would pretty much do ALL of these,” as I read through their list. We are ready to welcome #3 and I am going to pin this post to refer back to. Thanks for sharing this post and their website, sorry you don’t appreciate it.😦

  8. hmmm… I think these “Dating Divas” are actually onto something. The changes that take place when a new baby comes into the house are completely different for a husband than it is for a wife. As the mom – you pushed that lil thing outta you. The dad, as supportive as he tries to be, doesn’t exactly understand the connection. Having gone through the process of having children (we are empty nesters now) I completely agree that intimacy is tricky right after a new baby. Yes, you are tired, learning to be a parent, and exhausted half the time BUT, I would have loved to have this running list back when we were still having children. There is always time to make sure your other half still feels love, no matter how crazy life gets. BTW – some of those suggestions are *sassy* haha… and I would totally do them!

  9. You are telling me you didn’t get creative after the baby came? I am calling your bluff. I would pretty much do most of their ideas. They have some great ideas. I agree that bringing children into the world is a lot harder on women then men, but I agree with those diva chicks in that you should take some time out for your man. I liked their post a lot.

  10. I think you have some valid points, however, I agree with the reasoning behind the post on that site you are referring to. Being in a relationship means learning to be less selfish & I think that’s what their post is all about. They were giving suggestions. Obviously, those ideas aren’t for everyone – thankfully we have our free agency – but I am sure many women (including myself) need some ideas to keep the bedroom still enticing after a baby comes, which is where those suggestions come in handy.

  11. Although you crack me up, I checked out their list and there is only one thing on there I probably wouldn’t do. Yeah, call me a traitor, but I think they had some good points.

    1. You’re a traitor! Not really – now I just want to know which one it is you wouldn’t do! (Your comment has now put the Meatloaf song “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)” in my head – wonder if the “Daddy gets home” song would scan to that?)

  12. Gotta love those Dating Divas! I think they are onto something. I liked their post. I am surprised more comments aren’t saying that. {You DO publish all of the comments people leave, right?}

    1. Yes, unless they are threatening (I had some weird comments for a brief period! But I don’t mind if you disagree with me – it seems this one is an acquired taste)

  13. I am speechless, just like ATOmum.. but for different reasons. I was shocked that there is such as site as theirs. As “feminist” as I proclaim myself to be, I still believe in marriage and it’s refreshing to see that there are websites out there focusing on strengthening marriages.

    1. Surely it’s possible to promote strong relationships without making these recommendations? I’d hope to be with my partner for life, but am assuming (perhaps naively) that I might be able to achieve this without going to these lengths…

  14. I read your post…. and then went over to the Dating Divas site with hesitation to read their post. I actually LOVED it! I then read it aloud to my husband and he loved it as well. We are in a completely healthy relationship, we have two children and are thinking about working towards adding one more. It’s ROUGH right after having a baby… getting intimate. It’s also hard for me to get in the mood even though I am extremely attracted to my man. I know he always takes the backburner when we have a brand-new baby & has never complained. He is MORE than doing his part. I am going to try some of these tips with our next “go-round.” Thanks for sharing their website. It sounds like your audience is split on this but I am all for their ideas. In fact, I am heading back over there to explore their website.

  15. Okay, having read through the other comments since my post, I have to post a serious one now. I’m a bit taken aback that there are so many commenters who like the tips. Are you really talking about using them in the first six weeks after the baby arrives? The dating divas post has the potential to put an awful lot of unnecessary pressure and guilt on new mothers, particularly pregnant first time mums who are reading it and think that the expectation to please their men in such a way exists. It’s very unfair.

    1. Hey Mind the Baby! I really did love their post! I didn’t view it as pressure at all. She states at the beginning that different fathers handle a new baby differently. The entire post just lists suggestions. Never did they state that everyone should be doing this and that it’s mandatory. I think that is where Glosswatch got it a little wrong. These aren’t mandatory – just ideas. I have children myself, almost all of my close friends have children as well and this topic has come up before in our conversations. The dreaded first six weeks. Most of us have pretty healthy sex lives… and all of our husbands adjusted to the new additions to our families in different ways. I would use a lot of these ideas – not because I feel pressure, but because I think they are great suggestions! I think most of my friends would be on board as well, some would use the intimacy ideas and others would use the “non-intimacy” ideas. We are all pretty stubborn and none of us would ever do anything we didn’t want to do. My first baby, I was completely focused on the baby and kind of shut my husband out emotionally, thinking he didn’t quite get it. He did half the work and was a huge support, but I didn’t really take the time to talk to him about how both of us were adjusting. Our second baby, we were more aware of each other’s needs and the experience was AMAZING! I think our third time around, I am going to use these dating divas ideas. I really think they are onto something – especially since I have done it both ways now.

      1. I don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with doing any of these things (although I wouldn’t do them) but I find the family relationships they assume to exist very strange. There is a very distinct “mummy” role proposed, set against a traditional “daddy” – and I’d wonder whether that in itself wouldn’t be why many fathers end up feeling left out…

  16. I usually love your posts, but I wasn’t a fan of this one. I completely took that post on the dating divas site in a different way. As a mom and parent, I think they had great ideas. I liked those ideas and didn’t think they were full of bull*#@* like you did or like a few of your readers did as well. Looking forward to your next post as this one makes me a little upset since I completely disagree with your view. In the meantime, I am going to browse their website to see what else they offer.

    1. I don’t mind people disagreeing with this! Relationships are personal, after all. I really don’t think this advice is for everyone, though. Especially not the seductive floor-mopping…

      1. It may not be for everyone, but it looks like there are more comments on your post that are “Pro-Divas” than con. As for the seductive floor-mopping, I think the whole point was to try to find ways in the everyday mundane tasks to still flirt with your other half. That’s what I got out of it. I just don’t think an entire post bashing those women was necessary. They offer amazing ideas on their site and are obviously trying to help marriages and this post you aired might turn people off to their site before they even give them a chance. After I browsed around their site, I gained an even greater appreciation for the team behind that website. Like I said earlier, I usually love your sense of humor and your posts but in this case, I think it went a little too far.

        1. I am surprised, to be honest, that there’s more pro than con. But each to their own! But yes, perhaps I went too far in hanging this on them, when in reality it’s a response prompted by other cultural messages, too.

  17. I shared this on facebook as I like it so much. My (childless by choice) sister left this reply
    “What were those women on???? Even as a dyed-in-the-wool-never having-kids-EVER kind of gal I was thinking it’s the B^^^^y 21st Century, no man who needs this schtick is worth having a sprog with.”

    I happen to agree. Why the flying fuck is the onus on the female to keep the male happy? I am also wondering how many of the commentators who AGREE with the Dating Divas are American.

  18. I loved your response to this article. If the press, tv, magazines, adverts and the Internet were overflowing with articles aimed at men on ‘How to make new mums feel genuinely valued, welcome in all areas of society, pampered, loved, appreciated and gorgeous’ then yeah ok I guess I wouldn’t mind this article that much (apart from the bit about ‘rewarding’ your man for helping…perhaps with a bottle of cologne. Seriously? Like doggy treats for a puppy that doesnt poo on the carpet….?!). If there were hundreds of internationally published parenting books with 300 pages of advice/orders to follow for new dads and 3 pages aimed at how new dads could make new mums feel more appreciated, than yeah I might think that’s a bit biased against dads, aren’t adult relationships supposed to be about being equally considerate of each other? But none of this is the case and hasn’t ever been the case. So all the article does is to rather vapidly contribute to the already-massive body of literature that assumes that women are solely responsible for the happiness of those around them, that they need to be told how to be considerate of their families and that they should do this even to the detriment of their own feelings. When in reality, the happiest families I have ever seen have been those where women feel valued as individuals in an equally considerate partnership. Happy women radiate that happiness to those around them…as the old saying goes ‘happy wife (partner/girlfriend/lover etc etc)….happy life!

    1. Those women obviously feel valued as individuals and are all in equally considerate partnerships. If you browse around their site more, you can see posts that make it more clear. Plus, I saw posts written by their husbands as well as posts sharing things the men had done – very apparent these women are in loving relationships that are completely equal. I think singling this one post out does not give credit where credit is due. I just read the comment below made by one of the divas friends… and it looks like people are emailing these ladies asking for advice. Always helps to get the full story.

      1. But I’m not criticising other posts of theirs – just this one. I really think that suggesting caring for a baby rather than your man is “selfish” is quite damaging to new mothers. It’s not about being considerate and sharing – I’m all for that. The wifely performances recommended here actually seem to me quite isolating and lonely unless that’s how you’d behave anyhow. There are other ways of making your partner feel valued – such as just continuing to be a real, honest, loving partner and not a Stepford dolly …

  19. OMG!! I totally know these girls and love them! Well, I know about five of them. I was shocked to see that they are featured on your site in such a way. Maybe I can shed some light on this post. I got the scoop since we just had our fourth kid and I was looking through their baby posts. I was chatting it up with one of them regarding these ideas. Apparently they were getting a lot of emails from women who wanted ideas for after the baby came. They wanted to know how to make the father feel more included as well as creative sex ideas. This post was their response to all of those emails. I am surprised they didn’t state that in their post. Maybe I will let them know that they should put that in there. To each their own, but it usually helps to find out the history/story behind something. I think these women are great and the ones I know have amazing relationships with their husbands, so they must be doing something right! Very happy women who are a blast to be around! Just my two cents.

      1. I don’t get understand what is so shocking. These are all suggestions and they can’t please everyone. But, that would be nice of you to add something to your post letting your readers know that these gals compiled that list in response to all the emails they were getting. Too bad you don’t know them personally like I do. Amazing, stand-up women. A whole lotta fun to be around and extremely happy in their marriages. I would take advice from them any day, especially since I have seen first-hand how loving their relationships are. Absolutely amazing! You don’t see relationships like those very often nowadays.

  20. Frankly I found the Dating Divas’ “tips” to be condescending and creepily Stepford Wives-ish. Do I think that couples ought to try to have Time To Themselves? Damn right I think so. But I also think that Little Person is half the Other Partner’s, and therefore one partner should not have to effusively thank Other Partner for, say, changing a diaper in the middle of the night.

    Of course, I also cared for my baby brothers (and my mother) when they were born, as she was ill and my father didn’t care to participate. So perhaps this darkens my view. Maybe getting on one’s knees works for some folks; to me, it sounds horrible.

    Anyway, thanks so much for the post.

  21. I absolutely loved the dating divas’ ideas. I think their suggestions are great and I am a lesbian! haha But – I would do those things with my partner any day. We have three kids together and I think it helps a relationship when you take time to say thank you for the small things. Who cares if it’s part of the job of being a new mum or parent! Everyone likes to feel appreciated which is why their post was so great.

    1. But why wouldn’t you say thank you for the small things anyhow? Why do you need to be told? I’m not suggesting partners start being actively rude to each other – this advice just seems incredibly one-sided and judgmental to me.

      1. Do you have children? When they come, your brain goes. Well, at least mine did! Haha You forget to do anything and everything. Suggesting that partners take time to thank each other for the small stuff IS something we need to remember. I am glad they included it in their list. Like I mentioned above, these are amazing women and their relationships are extremely healthy and equal.

      2. I read your post, then I read the dating divas post, and then I read through all of the comments. I am with the “pro-diva” team. Not sure how their advice was judgmental. It’s focused on marriage between a man and a women… I am guessing that is what you are referring to? If that’s not your thing, it might not be a site for you to browse.:) Great advice, and people can take it or leave it.

      3. I agree with the reader who knows the divas. I have never actually been pregnant (my partner was) but when a new child comes into your home, you do lose your brain a little. Both of us forgot to appreciate the little things the other person was doing and with less sleep, we became more irritable. I like that they had a running list of things to refer back to. It doesn’t hurt to be reminded to be thankful for the small things. I believe I needed those reminders.

  22. Hi Glosswitch. I’m sorry you felt under pressure to amend your post. Personally, I don’t think it was necessary. You’re entitled to your opinion as much as any commentator on the Internet regardless of who knows the authors personally or not. I think your original post was spot on. Where I come from (Ireland), the tone and advice offered in the article would be considered offensive and misogynistic and many would question the behaviour of a new father who needed to be treated like this rather than acting as the second equal half of a new parenting relationship. Obviously, this culture doesn’t seem to be worldwide and it’s been an eye opener for me to be honest.
    I completely respect the alternative opinions of the other posters but I think calling for you to change the post is out of order. Write on, Glosswitch, write on:)

    1. I think it was very mature of Glosswitch to amend her post. She received new information regarding the background of that post on the dating divas website and she aired it. I read through all of her responses to the comments and her great sense of humor prevails and you can tell she respects everyone’s opinions. She isn’t changing her standpoint {which I actually disagree with} but she is passing along the reasons behind why that post aired on that site. There is a “demand” if you will for it. I believe you will get different ideas/suggestions depending on where you live. So yes, this might be a cultural thing. But, I think these women are based in the US and I’m not, yet I still found worthwhile advice in their post. I think it’s a matter of opinion but from what I see on that website – they all seemed to have pretty healthy relationships. I even found posts written by their partners. Good stuff!

  23. Glosswitch I am surprised at the responses you have had to this blog post too, considering your normal readership. If I was cynical then I would be a bit suspicious…

    I loved it. The bit you wrote about singing the song made me properly laugh out loud.

    Three things stand out to me as worrying about the Divas article: The pressure it puts on new mothers (because let’s face it they haven’t got anything else to think about); the fact that it is directed solely at women to facilitate the transition and change at a difficult time; it, once more, puts the responsibility for the health of the relationship with the woman. Kindness and consideration seems to be women’s work – quelle surprise!

    And I find it disturbing that focussing on your baby and yourself, your own wellbeing, your own recovery is considered selfish. Or that a bit of selfishness at this time is somehow a bad thing. Men that are “left out”, choose to whine about it, blame the state of their relationship on it and absolve themselves of childcare because of it, are the selfish ones, and not in a good way. The Diva article is just feeding that behaviour.

    I mean, lay out his PJs ffs. What is this 1952?

    1. Their website is written by women for women. If men read their site, they probably would have directed their words towards them, letting them know what they can do to make the transition of bringing a new person into the home a little easier. I am not sure where the “selfish” bit comes into play. Never once did they say that it’s selfish to focus on yourself. As mentioned above, my partner is a woman (as am I) and I am not offended in the least by this post. Yes, all of these women have traditional relationships (wives/husbands) which is great. I chose to read through their post, regardless of who their mate was, and remember the advice that I would use in my own relationship. I consider myself pretty liberal. Hello – I’m gay!:) But I don’t see how their post is offensive. I guess some people get riled up easier than others. In my mind, the key word is, “suggestions.” Which is all they were giving out. Never once did they state that these were things that all new mums HAVE to do.

      1. I am not sure where the “selfish” bit comes into play. Never once did they say that it’s selfish to focus on yourself.

        It’s this bit:
        “I know that I’m definitely guilty of being a little bit selfish when I’m taking care of a new little baby”
        It strikes me as very odd! “In your own world”, “absorbed”, “distant”, yes, possibly, but “selfish”?

      2. Those are all synonyms for selfish. She was referring to focusing on herself. Which, yes, we definitely do. Anyway, I think that one sentence was taken way out of context. Note the words “a little bit.” She never went out and said, “Don’t focus on yourself at all – it’s bad.” Which seems to be what a few of your readers are getting out of it. Definitely a choice on how you want to read their article. Like I mentioned earlier, some people just get offended easily. I think those people are choosing to find the bad in this article and are completely bypassing how great the suggestions are.

  24. I was horrified by many of the suggestions offered and found them offensively stepford and out-of-date. whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind suggestions for maintaining intimacy post-baby, the idea that I should take time out from my ‘selfish’ activities (taking what appears to be sole care of a newborn) to to lay out pajamas and give blow jobs is frigging ludicrous.
    I agree with Glosswitch, and I don’t believe that being a great person in real life or being in a healthy relationship disqualifies you from writing bad advice.
    If I thought these suggestions promoted healthy, egalitarian post-natal relationships with a focus on fostering support and intimacy with both partner and child, then I would feel differently. But all I read is how to keep your (pathetically insecure and willfully uninvolved) from making sad puppy eyes if you are changing nappies instead of fetching his six o’clock scotch.

    1. Interesting. I didn’t get that at all. I didn’t think they had bad advice and I actually thought it was all great advice. My other half is confident, dependable, and doesn’t expect me to be a servant. Just wanted to clarify in case you thought otherwise. But yes, great advice on their part. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Whatever happened to “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

    2. I’d like to say something in response to your response to Jaylynn. Actually, feminism is not about being blatantly rude when sharing your opinion. It means we believe in equal rights for women. I agree that blogging is for sharing opinions but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. ‘I was horrified’ that you made that statement. Being a feminist doesn’t mean going around offending everyone… it’s women like that who give us a bad name. If that’s your idea of a definition, I suggest you go look it up in a dictionary.

      1. If feminism remained stuck at vague comments about believing in equal rights, without ever engaging with the subtle and varied ways in which women’s roles are restricted and diminished, perhaps you would feel less offended, I don’t know. I’m not out to offend people, but vaguely saying nothing at all isn’t my main objective, either.

    3. Who said anything about being vague? I was just saying nice.😉 It’s pretty obvious that I support what that website is about and I am not being vague about it, but I am also being mature about how I respond to those who are against them. Love you, glosswitch, but I think this post would definitely offend the writers of that post. I was slightly appalled at it, but I do love your blog, so I will keep coming back. I usually hang in the wings and don’t say much. I had to say something about this post, thought.

  25. Is this the real world here? Yes Dad’s can feel left out. BUT are they adult enough to realise that life has changed and Mummy still loves them too!!!!!! Grow up men!!!!

    1. And we are all adult enough to let people decide for themselves if this advice is for them or not. I liked their advice. You obviously didn’t. Totally fine that we have a difference of opinion.

  26. I find it interesting that a lot of your readers are stating that men are grown up enough to figure out things for themselves after the baby comes, but then in the same breath – these readers are stating that they are worried young mums will think this advice is good. Uhhh… aren’t they ALL adults? I think it’s a little hypocritical. I think the divas’ suggestions are great. I think the advice is solid. I think that we can all have a difference of opinion without bashing on these women who are providing so much good for the world. Maybe you don’t agree with what they wrote, and I am all about taking a stand, but after seeing what these ladies are doing in their not-so-spare time in trying to help others, I am anti-bashing on them. Agree to disagree and move on.

  27. I really liked their ideas. I must have visited their site after the friend of theirs mentioned this post tearing them apart because they’ve added an extra note at the top. It sounds like women were asking for ideas on how to get creative during the non-sex six-week period. Their list is a compilation of what their readers came up with along with their ideas. I’d say that’s a pretty good list. They also mention that people can pick and choose whatever they want out of the post since everyone is different. It sounds like they understand that not everyone fits into a cookie-cutter role… but not all of the readers who commented on here understand that. I think this post that you wrote is doing more harm than good, glosswitch. You are probably sending haters over to that site that is trying to do good in the world. Their post was a response to what their readers wanted. I think I am going to head over there and let them know that I think their post is great.

  28. I know you wrote this ages ago but I just wanted to say that I think you made some good points on your post and was quite surprised by the comments. Both my husband and I scoffed at the original post. My husband was quite offended that I might have ever felt under pressure to fulfill him sexually before I (and we) were ready. The original post, to me, seems very immature. Good for you for writing the post.

  29. I just wished to take a couple of moments and let you know
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  33. There is no advise here. It’s all sarcasm. It’s unInformed nonsense. Men go from having their wives(they’re in a relationship for companionship) 100% of the time when they have time together. Which I’m sure before the baby is quite often. To next to no time after the baby is born. The mom yes is going through a massive amount of complicated stuff herself. But the mom is not lonely. Men get very lonely even when his family is around. The first few months the dad should realizes how difficult this period is BUT the mom should always do her best to include him. Always. It’s his child too for god sakes. And if he is the stepfather, he joined the family, he must want to be apart of the child’s life too.

    1. The mom not being lonely might be taken out of context. If you’re a social person with lots of friends the mom will feel lonely because she’ll be “trapped” with the kid. Some women experience this, some don’t. I feel lonely and ignored because I get no time with my wife. I see her and my son together all the time and I feel I’m intruding if I try to join. It’s very awkward. My wife is a good woman but is not doing a good job of making me feel like I’m part of this process. Her behavior is selfish at times. She’s taken my son from me when we’ve been playing, it looked to be out of jealousy. Just be fair to each other and talk talk talk. DO NOT undermined his feelings. That’s not fair. The golden rule. His feelings are very reel.

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