Until this morning, I thought the Conservative Party – dominated by mega-rich, ultra-privileged men – were completely out of touch. What’s more, I tended to think the same of the MPs’ partners. That they couldn’t possibly understand the needs of working mothers such as myself. Well, it turns out I was wrong. Thanks to the Telegraph (which I seem to be linking to all the sodding time at the moment), I’ve realised you should never judge a £45 Smythson “I’ve got nothing to wear” notebook by its cover. Samantha Cameron, wife of David, is in fact just like me, with the same hopes, fears, ambitions and worries. Just like me, only posh.
Here is the evidence:
1. We both have jobs.
Just like SamCam I “talked [my] way” into my current job, “persuading the firm to employ [me]”. When you are a common person, this is known as “having an interview”; if you’re posh, it’s all a bit more network-y, or at least you have to make it sound that way (interviews are for plebs).
2. We both combine having children with working.
Like Sam, I was keen to return to work after having had my children. When you are a common person, this is known as “not having any money”; if you’re posh, it’s to do with loving your job and being “full of ideas” (indeed, so full of ideas are you, you may even be writing them down in your £115 “Inspirations and Ideas” notebook. I’d never have thought of charging so much for something to scribble in, but then I don’t have the book so I can’t be inspired).
Sam works two days a week but then admits to “spending a lot of time thinking about work on her days off”. I too spend a lot of time thinking about work on the other three days (although that might be because I’m still in the sodding office).
3. We both have a “hippy side”.
When you are a common person, this might be quite political and involve being into sharing and shit like that. In the past such sharing could be quite extreme; you might want to live in a commune or something. These days it’s more like thinking “oh, that’s nice” when it gets to the NHS bit of the Olympic Opening Ceremony.
If you’re posh your “hippy side” expresses itself more in matters of style. Sadly, this doesn’t mean dressing like Neil from the Young Ones (although you might take inspiration from the Emma Thompson character in the University Challenge Episode). Having a “hippy side” means doing stuff like wearing “dresses or ankle-length trousers”. So perhaps you could say there’s a SamCam hippy in each and every one of us.
4. We both worry about money.
Sam experiences the kind of money worries that lead Telegraph writers to state the following:
With three children – Nancy, Elwen, six, and Florence, 23 months – and a nanny to fund, her spare time is also spent searching for bargains on Oxford Street.
I am not poor. In the middle of a recession I’m lucky enough to come from a double-income household and my debts are relatively limited. However, I know enough about real money worries to read statements such as the one above and think SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID ‘BARGAIN-HUNTING’ MILLIONAIRESS. So in that way there’s a definite connection between Sam and me.
5. We both do twattish things such as leaving our children in the pub
To be fair, I have never actually left a child of mine on the loo in the pub and headed off home (although I have been tempted). But I have done many idiotic things. Perhaps the most twattish thing I’ve done is fail to be born insufferably, unimaginably rich. I’m sure my failure to do so has disadvantaged my children in ways that 15 minutes alone in a pub toilet never could. But still, what’s done is done. In future I will get a £45 textured leather Yummy Mummy notebook in which to write down all my get-rich plans. Or I would do if I could afford the notebook, which I can’t. Bollocks.
I am glad David Cameron is married to Samantha. Samantha is a woman and she wears dresses and has babies and stuff, which means David and hence the whole sodding Conservative Party must have a “soft side” after all. Furthermore, Sam is rich and has a job and is “empowered”. This makes me feel “empowered” too. Right now I’m feeling so empowered I might even vote Conservative at the next election, providing I haven’t done a Louise Mensch and packed it all in and run off to America. And it’s assuming I don’t actually manage to do any real, live thinking for myself. Without a £115 “Ideas and Inspirations” notebook it’s hard to do thinking. But at least Samantha would understand that.