Dear West Mercia Police…

Did you know, if you drink excessively, you could leave yourself more vulnerable to regretful sex or even rape?

Copy taken from West Mercia Police’s Safe Night Out Campaign

Dear West Mercia Police

I am delighted to learn that you are taking an interest in whether women who drink excessively end up having “regretful sex”. Having endured many a pissed, regrettable shag in my time, I am overjoyed to see this issue finally being treated with the gravity it deserves.

A combination of Taboo, Snakebite and Hooper’s Hooch were the cause, I have no doubt, of many a totally rubbish liaison during my formative years. There was the man whom I never wanted to sleep with in the first place, but he’d bought me a baked potato and beans, and I kind of felt obliged, but he fell asleep halfway through. Then there was the one who got up off the bed midway, threw up in the sink, then said, chivalrously, “that wasn’t your fault”, and carried straight on. There was the nice Greek librarian, who I think could have been The One in another life, only that misguided, hurried shag spoiled it all and we never spoke again. I could go on – are you making notes? Because I’m not sure whether a blog post really counts as a statement.

To be entirely fair, I’m sure there are times when some poor man has very much regretted shagging me. Presumably I needn’t feel guilty, though, since judging from your website, it’s only women who get in a tizz about this (men just need to watch what they’re drinking in case they accidentally rape someone).

I’m not sure what the next stage with this is. What action should one take over “regretful sex”? The more I look at it, bad though it is, I’m starting to wonder whether my fucking business is really your fucking business at all. I’m also a bit concerned about the proximity of “regretful sex” and “rape” in your literature. It kind of reminds me of all those stories of women “crying rape” due to a shag they wish they’d never had (believe me, when you’re struggling through a raging hangover from hell, perverting the course of justice is the last thing on your mind).

Anyhow, thank you for listening. I shall try to drink less and hence have fewer frankly atrocious shags in future, but hey, shit sex happens.



4 thoughts on “Dear West Mercia Police…

  1. I’ve had many a regretful shag. I’d forgotten to give a shit about any of them within 3 days. But the effect of my rapes are there 24/7 for last 8 years.

    The only thing a crap shag gave me was a fantastic selection of self deprecating anecdotes. Rape gave me PTSD and made me homeless. It’s almost hilarious that it was my glass of water that was spiked because i was making sure I was too pissed in case the shag monsters got me…

  2. I have no idea why that was a reply to Ched’s wee friend up there. Maybe anger around rape apologists leads to regretful commenting? Quick, have a pointless patronising campaign. We women can’t even type without getting it wrong!

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