This is what my children have to put up with

It is bedtime. Youngest has just had his milk and he’s lying snuggled up with Monkey while I stroke his fluffy little head. At times like this we sometimes chat, mother and child together. And that is what we did this evening, when he asked me about the circumstances of his birth.

HIM     Mummy?

ME      Yes?

HIM     Where was I born?

ME      You were born in a car park in Cheltenham.

HIM      Oh.

[Pause]

HIM     But we now live on Earth?

ME       Yes, but … Cheltenham is a place on Earth.

HIM     Cheltenham is a place on Earth?

ME       Yes, Cheltenham is a place on Earth

[Longer pause]

ME       And actually that sounds really funny, because there’s a song called “Heaven is a Place on Earth” by a lady called Belinda Carlisle.

HIM     Oh.

ME      And in fact, it’s even more funny than that, because Mummy was actually born in Carlisle. So if there’s a song called “Cheltenham is a Place on Earth” – which, okay, there isn’t – there should also be a song called “Carlisle is a Place on Earth”.

HIM     Oh.

ME        And if there is such a song, it ought to be performed by eighties pop group Heaven 17.

[Even longer pause]

HIM     Mummy, can I go to sleep now?

ME        Um, alright.

And so I switched off the light and kissed his little button nose, all the while musing on the fact that “Carlisle is a Place on Earth” performed by Heaven 17 just would be brilliant. Anyone know if they’re still together?

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