Hey, nice biscuits!

So what do you make of that Oreo ad? You know, the “breastfeeding controversy” one that no one was meant to know about because they just made it for the sheer hell of it and to get rid of some money, but which then got “leaked” and went “viral”? (Gah! I bet they HATE IT when that happens.)

Personally I prefer it to their usual ads, with the whole “twist it – split it – lick it” scenario. I really dislike those, first because that IS in fact how I eat Oreos and I’m convinced I was doing that first (should have copyrighted it or something). Second because I don’t like the licking bit being on TV. I find it quite unpleasant to watch. It’s probably the same way I’d feel about watching someone breastfeed if, say, I were a total prick.

The Oreo-meets-tit ads are okay at first glance, although let’s be honest, they don’t actually work. The tagline “milk’s favourite cookie” overlooks the fact that it has to be a glass of milk, which gives you the essential option of dunking. I suppose they could have used EBM, but that would have been less arresting. They’d have had to put a label on the glass saying “this is not cow’s milk, it’s a lady’s boob milk” in order to get a suitable response, and even then you’d miss out on showing an actual tit.

If I’m honest, I am a bit bothered by the tit. Not because it’s there in our faces being tit-like, but because, to my experienced eyes, it does not look like a breastfeeding tit. It isn’t engorged or lumpy or veiny. There isn’t a massive target-like aureola. It is pert and in the ideal position for attachment ie the woman is not having to use her hand to get it positioned right, possibly giving it a squeeze to get going while she’s at it, perhaps squirting a bit of milk in baby’s eye for good measure (at least then baby could dip the cookie in his/her eye and the whole Oreo experience would be sorted). See, that, to me would be a proper breastfeeding tit.

Although actually, the nipple bit’s a problem too. In every picture I’ve seen, it’s either pixelated or covered by some kind of icon. I mean, I have very weird nipples, but that’s never happened to them. It might put women off breastfeeding if they think that’s what’s going to happen to their nips. Anyhow, I did breastfeeding support training and I know this for a fact: BREASTFEEDING DOES NOT MAKE YOUR NIPS GO PIXELATED. Got that, ladies? So that’s one less thing to worry about (just have to deal with all those tossers who think you should spend the next few months/years hiding in a cave in case your baby needs a drink).

So, anyhow, Oreo, I’ve a suggestion to make: why don’t I grab some random baby and a biscuit and re-do your ad for you? I’m not actually breastfeeding at the moment (note to self: must go out on the piss again now I can) but my tits sure bear “the scars”. They are, in fact, the kind of tits that would make Real Women ™ feel much better about their own, and we all know what a big market ugly old Real Woman is. So what do you say? You wouldn’t have to pay me. I’d do it for the biscuits.


3 thoughts on “Hey, nice biscuits!

  1. I love this post! I laughed knowingly all the way through. Very clever, very funny, very true.

    1. I almost bought some Oreos in Asda this afternoon. That is the really scary thing about this ad. Whatever I might think about it, in some strange way it worked – I do want Oreos!

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