First pregnancy? Allow me to patronize the living daylights out of you.

There are many things about parenthood which remain shrouded in mystery. Like: is it mostly nature or mostly nurture? What’s the right way to discipline your child? And what is the story in Balamory? (Wouldn’t you like to know ;))*Thankfully, other things are less mysterious. For instance, there are three things that everyone in the entire cosmimegaverse knows:

  1. Labour hurts.
  2. Babies keep you awake at night.
  3. Having children is, like, a big responsibility.

Actually, I say everyone knows this, but there is a group of people who are completely ignorant of these facts. This group consists of all women who are expecting a baby for the first time.

If, like me, you’re already a parent, why not join me in having a good laugh at the expense of said women? I mean, just look at them! They haven’t a bloody clue! All puffed up with excitement about meeting their ickle baby when in fact, they WILL NOT KNOW WHAT’S HIT THEM! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Ahem. Now obviously, this doesn’t mean that we were ever like that. Just that, as fierce warriors on the parenthood front, we have a responsibility to make others aware of the challenges that face them. And also to scare the shit out of them.

I hate this, I really do. And to be honest, I’m not sure why we do it. Because we’re insecure about our own status as parents? Because we need to big ourselves up at the expense of others by suggesting they would not believe the trials we’ve overcome? Because we’re jealous of those who have all the excitement ahead of them, while we’re already well on the way to letting our children go? I imagine it’s probably a mixture of these things. But I wish we’d stop doing it. Basically, it’s just mean.

So this is a suggestion to other parents: why not be a bit more positive when discussing parenthood with those who have it all to come? Just, you know, to be nice? And yeah, perhaps it’s patronizing of me to even be asking you but hey – I am a total long-suffering mega-parent and you don’t even know you’re born.

* I don’t know why I put a wink there. I don’t know the answer to that one. so please don’t ask.


5 thoughts on “First pregnancy? Allow me to patronize the living daylights out of you.

  1. Oh, I’ve definitely done this before. Sometimes it’s just out of pure desire to bring those people back down to earth who think babies are sweet smelling, adorable and pleasant 24/7. But you’re right, it’s mean and I’m going to resist the urge from now on.

  2. but they are sometimes so insuffably smug. But… the worse ones are brand new parents, with a 2 day or 3 day old baby, and they’re out and about and (it’s usually the young dad) are telling you that you (with your two children) did it wrong and that they *always* do x or y or z and actually what I really here is “Sho, Put your fist right in my smug face”

    so of course, I oblige them 😉

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