When I was suffering from anorexia, people often asked me what I ate during the day. Usually said people were doctors, dieticians and worried friends. At no point was I asked by Now magazine to share my “top-to-toe health secrets”, including my height, weight, clothing size and how many calories I’d recently consumed. That would just have been weird, right?
Apparently not. This week’s Now currently features an “Oh. My. Bod.” special with Nikki Grahame, ex-Big Brother star and recovered anorexic. Only she’s not actually recovered. This isn’t just me going, “ooh, she’s still a bit thin, must be ill”. Beneath the title and sub-heading – in fact, directly beneath the bit that says “top-to-toe health secrets” – there’s a quote from Nikki:
My anorexia is going to be there for a long time.
Oh dear. Perhaps this feature isn’t such a good idea? Still, we’ve started so we might as well finish. It’s not like we’re about to do something ridiculously crass like put your height, weight and dress size in bold in a pink box at the top of the page. What’s that, we are? Well, what harm can it possibly do?
I’m not going to say what these figures are. If you’re interested – for instance, if, like Nikki, you’ve got an eating disorder that makes you paranoid about that sort of thing – you can always look them up. They’re on page 81 (I’m only giving that bit of info so you can quickly flick through to it in WH Smiths without having to spend money on the damn thing first). There’s also copious detail on how much exercise Nikki does, how many grammes of fat, protein, sugar and salt she consumes, and generally everything that goes towards keeping her figure enviably slim, period-free and osteoporosis-ridden. Oh, and the opposite page features an advert giving you the calorie count of Subway’s tasty low-fat range, although really, if you were as dedicated as Nikki, you’d know it already.
Why am I remotely surprised at any of this? After all, it makes perfect sense. Fuck the usual “nutritional advice.” This is what you actually need to do if you don’t want to end up looking like those caught out by the “Zoom of Doom” (pages 19-21). Oh, and Now’s “email of the week” is all about Lauren Goodger being too fat for her playsuit. She could do with turning to page 81 as well, the porky loser.
As for me, well, thanks Nikki, but no thanks. I hope next time she shares her diet secrets it’s with someone who can help her. Failing that, at least someone who isn’t a complete and utter exploitative bastard.