A woman has been jailed for two years after falsely accusing three men of rape. Luckily the Daily Mail has written a report on the case, complete with photos of said woman “socialising” and details of her sexual history. This is obviously brave reporting, committed to reinforcing the impression that loads of women – but especially the slaggy ones – lie about rape. Still, two years – doesn’t sound like much, does it? As one concerned tweeter puts it:

This slut who falsely accused three men of rape should get the same term they’d have got

Nice! Still, perhaps he’s got a point. Isn’t it about time women who falsely accused men of rape got exactly the same treatment as men who actually rape?

To be honest, I’m not sure whether that’s right, but let’s just pretend for the time being that it is. I’ve considered all the various aspects – not just the jail term  – and reached the conclusion that what happens to women who cry rape is dramatically different to what happens to rapists (apart from the being put in prison bit – that’s the same, except for those occasions when rapists get away with a caution). In the interests of equality – albeit on the rather dodgy assumption that falsely accusing someone of one crime is the moral equivalent of actually committing it – I’ve come up with one or two suggestions for what should henceforth happen to these false rape accusers aka “sluts”:

  1. a twitter hashtag – #freetheslut – should be created forthwith. Those using it should also take the opportunity to “name and shame” the falsely accused men as often as possible.
  2. all right-thinking feminists should take leave of their senses and, following the MRA example, write blog posts claiming the imprisonment of the false accuser is “a defeat for all women”
  3. former contestants from the first ever series of the X-Factor should come out in the false accuser’s defence (I nominate Rowetta – she’d totally get stuck in)
  4. a sympathetic male journalist should write a solemn broadsheet piece on how the three men falsely accused simply have to accept some of the blame for what happened
  5. a sufficient shift in public opinion is required to ensure that from now on, a majority of men will believe that some of those falsely accused of rape bear some responsibility for what happened to them
  6. in case the false accuser / slut is unable to find employment following her release from jail, she should be permitted to market an energy drink. It could be called Misandrist or something equally catchy.

Those are all my suggestions but I’m sure there will be things I’ve missed – if so, do let me know. I’m not going to start the hashtag myself – personally I think it’d be a fucking tragic thing to do, and one which would denigrate the suffering of this woman’s victims – but I suspect all right-thinking people will disagree with me.

Still, I guess that’s just my problem – I might be a feminist, but sometimes I just can’t stomach this kind of “equality”. But at least there are men’s rights campaigners who will do all the hard work for me.