This evening I had dinner from our local chippy. The funny thing is, I don’t even like chips. It’s just that the owner recently “came out” as a homophobe and I felt it was important to show my support.

Actually, I’m only joking. I bloody love chips – doesn’t everyone? And as for Mr Simpson’s position on same-sex relationships, well, he hasn’t yet made that clear. Obviously he’ll disclose this at some point. After all, it’s important for all of us to know whether our chip money is being used to add extra bullet points to the Gay Agenda.

Over in the US, it’s been easier for fast-food loving bigots to put their money where their bile-filled mouths are. Yesterday was Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, an impromptu celebration of prejudice, inspired by the president of this particular fast-food chain’s statement against gay marriage, the expected backlash and the inevitable backlash backlash, in which former Arkansas gov. Mick Huckabee successfully recast offence as intolerance and called for a special showing of support. Apparently the chain boasted record sales. The customers are committed, I’ll give them that (although to be honest, I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the hate; are they supporting the chain or the stance? Does it even matter?).

Of course, as protests go, stuffing your face with fried chicken is hardly on a par with self-immolation. If instead of throwing herself in front of the king’s horse, Emily Davison had chowed down on a suffragette partridge, I’m not sure we women would even have the vote. And yes, I’m assuming Chick-fil-A is vaguely palatable (despite the name, which makes it sound like something you give to battery hens). If Chick-fil-A actually tastes rubbish, then I suppose it’s more of a sacrifice than it at first appears. But still, even then it’s less Tiananmen Square, more Bushtucker Trial.

So if I’m honest, I’m not impressed. Nonetheless, I am surprised at how willing some people are to wear their prejudice on their sleeves. Gay marriage harms no one, yet privileged people whom it would not affect in the slightest are still trotting out to fill their bellies with spite. Why are they doing this? I know most of us feel guilty about eating crap and would look for slightest excuse to make it feel more virtuous than it is, but guys, this isn’t helping. You’re making it worse. Eating fatty food is bad, but combining this with being a tosser doesn’t cancel it out. It just doubles the badness.

What we all need to do is wait for the day when Smirnoff make an official statement against FGM. Or KFC comes out against the death penalty. Or Carlsberg apologise for all their sexist advertising and commit to putting a quarter of their profits towards feminist causes. Ideally this should all happen at once, and THAT’s the day to get totally stuffed, and totally wasted to boot. As protests/expressions of solidarity go, it’d still be pretty ineffective. But we’d get to be greedy, and have fun, without all looking like smug, pointlessly vindictive guardians of unrecognised privilege.