Today, after 36 years of false starts, confused outbursts and misguided ‘girl power’ moments, I finally graduated as a feminist. At long last, after countless attempts at winding up the patriarchy, the Man finally took the bait. I am, according to ‘Sarah’, who commented on this thread, not only lacking in humour, but may also have PMS. Sisters, I’ve made it! I’m a humourless feminist with PMS! High fives all round!

It’s been an arduous struggle getting here. Being heterosexual, having big tits and remaining undecided on Tori Amos haven’t helped, but somehow I’ve made it. Even so, I won’t rest on my laurels just yet. After all, I still haven’t been accused of having hairy legs, being a lesbian or, the biggie we all aim for, hating all men (Sarah, come on! Haven’t I done enough yet? I’ll put on some dungarees if it’ll help). To be fair, I wouldn’t even mind being a lesbian or having hairy legs, since both of these seem perfectly reasonable (or is this the PMS talking?). I’d definitely swap a night of passion with Caitlin Moran for having pre-menstrual mood swings (WHICH I TOTALLY HAVEN’T GOT!!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!).

Anyhow, tomorrow I’ll get back to the hard work of pissing off all sensible folk and making sure not to laugh at Family Guy, not even during the surreal bits, cos that’s simply not allowed. Not when you’re fully qualified Humourless Feminist (BA, MSc, PMS). Thanks to all who helped me on my way (Jordan and Geri Halliwell, I love ya!). Hey, do I get some kind of certificate for this?